funny jokes usa

In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull’s testicles. - One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?” - The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won.”      

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!     

In a boomerang shop: "I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?"    

Some nice Chinese couple gave me a very good camera down by the Washington Monument. I didn’t really understand what they were saying, but it was very nice of them.    

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"   Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."   

Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”     

I called my woman to celebrate our first anniversary. And she just hung up. Doesn’t our separation mean anything to her?     

My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his feces on the wall. I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.     

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”    

Husband: "Honey, aren't those trousers a bit too tight for you?" Wife: "It's really funny how you pronounce 'I want to die'."    

I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Patient asks his doctor: “Can I take a bath with diarrhea?” Doctor: “Yes, if you are able to fill it  up. “