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The Juicer

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The Juicer James: Hey Emily! Emily: Don’t talk to me. James: Why, what did I do? Emily: Last night you were so drunk that you got my apple iPad out and tried to put it in the juicer. James: Really? Emily: Yeah, and you said that you were going to make apple juice with it.
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Infinitely Many Mathematicians…

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Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.” The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.” Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. “Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”
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