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The Juicer

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The Juicer James: Hey Emily! Emily: Don’t talk to me. James: Why, what did I do? Emily: Last night you were so drunk that you got my apple iPad out and tried to put it in the juicer. James: Really? Emily: Yeah, and you said that you were going to make apple juice with it.
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Magic Mirror

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Magic Mirror There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.  If you told a lie it would suck you in. One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in. The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in.  Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think…’ and it sucked her in.
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Infinitely Many Mathematicians…

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Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.” The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.” Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. “Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”
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